"Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up."
-Quote from The Wonder Years
Growing up has been on my mind a lot lately. Its been hard to realize that I'm not a high school kid anymore with boy problems. I get off work, and come home. To my home, a home that I bought. A home where I work to pay the bills, a home where I have to clean and worry about what others will think about my house if its not spotless. Its weird. I sit and think what happened? Where did the time go? Who am I? What's next?
There are bills that need to be paid, sinks that need to be fixed, a husband, laundry for 2, dogs to be fed, floors to be vacuumed, etc. It creates this weird feeling inside me, almost dream like. I keep thinking I am going to wake up and be back in my bed with the feather pillows and cute chandelier light above me and my best friend asleep next to me. Tired from the all night girl talk and the crazy night activities that we would get ourselves into. You would think that after living the same (new) life for the last 3 years I would be used to it by now. Right? That I wouldn't be surprised and have the feeling of "when am I going to wake up?".
Today its raining outside. I use to HATE the rain. I hated everything about the cold, the wet, and the dark clouds. I lived for the summer months where I could go outside and feel the warmth on my face. I would lay out for hours. I woke up and thought about how excited I am for fall, for the holidays, for Christmas. I was enjoying the rain for once in my life. I cant wait for Fall to come, for the winter months. WHO AM I? I was talking to the other secretary that works with me and I told her this. How I am starting to look forward to the Winter months, for the cooler weather, and the feelings that it brings. All she said was "Your starting to grow up". I am not sure if that was something I wanted to hear. I don't want to grow up, I don't want to be responsible. I want to go out and dance in the rain, not be at work. I want to sneak on a neighbors tramp and jump on it in my swim suit. I want to ditch work and watch movies all day with a cup of hot chocolate next to me. Then I realized I was growing up because I wanted my husband next to me. I want my dogs to be playing on the floor, fighting and playing tug o war.
I know you can still "act" like a kid. Joking around, doing immature things. But being a grown up trumps the kid stuff. You can either go to work and pay your bills, or you can play hooky with the husband and live in a box. I choose my beautiful house, with my beautiful fur babies, and my sexy husband.
Like the quote above said, Growning up is never easy. But I look forward to more days of being grown up with my cute little family.
So today I replace the feeling of "when will I wake up" with the feeling of "I am the luckiest girl alive, I have a great life, awesome family members, a great husband, a fabulous home, and a job that I love".
So here is to growing up. To paying my own bills. To having the man of my reality. To having my own family. To having to worry about a house payment. To grocery shopping. To working a 9-5 job and a night job a day or two a week. To waking up to my best friend every morning, and my two slobbery dogs. Here is to being a grown up.
Here is to finding new adventures in this (new) married life.
Here is to rainy days.